Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Thrust It

I'm a prancer.

When getting dressed, I prance.

I dance and I sing and I shimmy my ass.
There may be times I sing into a hairbrush.

I have my getting ready routine, it's awesome.
If you wanna join, you are more than welcome.

It goes something like this.

 towel dry
 put on underwear.
And this ladies is where the fun begins.
Not like that.
Don't be rude.

The dancing begins.

Especially if there is this song playing.

I can't help it.
This song makes me want to do bad things with you.

So yesterday, whilst getting ready, I had this song blasting.
I was singing.
Think, ear splitting warbling.
In my head, I was a superstar.

I was dancing
In my head, Britney Spears calls me and asks for dance lessons because she needs to learn my mad skills.

There may have been hip thrusting.
There may have even been hairbrush singing.

And then I saw him.

My friendly next door neighbour.
On his roof.
Looking into my bedroom.

Now, in his defence, it is not his fault.
(unless he does this all the time and I've only just noticed, and if that's the case he's a creep and i'll have to stab him)

I have a door in my bedroom that leads to a little courtyard area down the side of our house.
It's very handy for those 3am "Mum I haffta pee" whines from Moo.

I had those doors open.
I had those doors open while I was prancing around my bedroom in just my pretty pink bra and knickers singing "I want to do bad things with you" into my hairbrush.

I saw him in the reflection of my dressing table mirror.

So, I did what any normal person would do.

I continued dancing like a crazy person.
And singing.

Well, I am a nice person.
And I would hate my neighbour to think that I thought that he was perving on me.
So, If I pretended to to see, it can be his little secret (and possibly retina burn but whatever, I was dancing all kinds of sexy)

I danced off into the bathroom
(and broke my routine, because 1. There weren't nearly enough hip thrusts and booty shakes in my dance. 2. The song hadn't finished. 3. I didn't need to use the bathroom.)

And there, I found my PJs and put them back on,
looked at my beet-red face,
took a deep breath
and proudly strutted out of my bedroom into the safety of my living room.
Where I tweeted my awful experience.

So, it's official.
My neighbour things I want to do bad things with him.
we need to move.
I need to keep the bedroom blinds CLOSED at ALL times.


Giggles. Last night, I came home and needed to post. So I asked Sass if she felt like she could write a post for me. Having lost her own blojo [blogging mojo] she trawled through her archives and found this cracker to share with you all.

Please excuse me. I have to go and get ready now.

So, while you wait for me to return to twitter, cause you all know I tweet a lot, why not pop on over to Sass' blog Life of the Bees. Not only is she an awesome friend to have but I am quite certain she is my twin!

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