Thursday, May 5, 2011

Night

I dislike the night.

I used to love the night.

The night meant snuggles, kisses, hands wandering, laughter, deep and meaningful conversations, twitter from beneath the covers, and other moments.

While I would occasionally have nightmares, sleep talk about random things or snore. My nights were perfect.

Last night I had no one to keep me warm, I had to use my own body heat and being completely honest with you, it sucked.

I am fine during the day, almost to the point where I don't notice that I am alone, but of the night, oh jeebus do I notice it.

If it isn't the lack of meaningful conversation, to having to warm my own toes in bed with no one to snuggle up behind me, or cooking for one, I am just getting pangs of alone.

It sucks.

Then the what ifs go through my mind and I just feel like maybe, just maybe, it should/could/would have been different.

2 comments:

melissa said...

Carly, it must be hard to get used to. But time alone can be such a positive thing and you have so much going for you!

Grab a hot water bottle and keep yourself warm! xx

Surely Sarah @ Paper Reverie said...

I had 26 years of nights alone and now I can't imagine life without my other half in the bed next to me.
I cannot imagine how hard it is for you right now. You must try not to torment yourself with "what ifs" though!
I have no advice to give but ...{{hugs}}